


Only Crunchy

by in_the_bottle



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Deliberate Badfic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-10
Updated: 2006-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-02 08:52:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/367184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_the_bottle/pseuds/in_the_bottle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><span class="ljuser"><a href="http://someinstant.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://someinstant.livejournal.com/"><b>someinstant</b></a></span>’s summary -- Ok I suck at this. Someone is dead in a Jumper in Atlantis. John and Rodney have to find out is it the Wrath or an ancient cereal killer? Or is it one of their friends?!! READ IT PLEASE. (ps,/ lots of violence, ok, so no kids.)<br/>A/N: I only noticed <span class="ljuser"><a href="http://kinetikatrue.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://kinetikatrue.livejournal.com/"><b>kinetikatrue</b></a></span> has posted her fic after I wrote this. It wasn't X'd on the list though. Ah well, thought I'd share anyway. And I spelt check this, like TWICE.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Crunchy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [svmadelyn's bad!fic challenge](http://www.livejournal.com/users/svmadelyn/321001.html) Thanks to [](http://slashybits.livejournal.com/profile)[**slashybits**](http://slashybits.livejournal.com/) for audiencing over IM and making this worse. Man, never thought I'd say those words! LOL!)

A scream so high pitched and terro filled echoed through Atlantis waking everyone up, because it's in the middle of the night when the scream screamed. John, being the military leader of the city, rushed to the source of the scream, finding Elizabeth in the jumper bay, pointing at something inside one of the jumper's.

"They... they.... he's... OMG! John! They killed Lt Kenny! It's horrible!" Elizabeth was still pointing at the jumper.

John poked his very well styled head (despite it being in the middle of the night and he had just jumped out of bed to get here, this is cos Atlantis luvs him and did not give him bedhead like it did for everyone else) into the jumper and it was indeed Lt Kenny in the jumper, who is very dead, he was wearing a scarlet shirt, and he was clutching a box of something to his chest. Carefuly, JOhn walked into the jumper, he poked Lt Kenny.

"Yup, he's dead all right," he tolled Elizabeth.

"OMG! Poor Kenny!" Elizabeth wailed, tears streaming down her face, making her perfectly applied massacre run.

It was then that Rodney came rushing into the jumper bay, panting and out of breath. "What on Earth," he started, than he saw the scene inside the jumper. "OMG! They killed Kenny! Those bastards!"

"John, did the Wrath did this??" Elizabeth asked, still sobbing.

"The Wrath?" Rodney looked at Elizabeth, momentarily confused before his genius sized brain woke up and made him understand. "Oh, you mean those half retard cousins of the Wraith who looks more like my 14 YO Emo nephew with bad teeth and was going all 'Give Us Evanescence or DIE' slogan?"

"Yes, rodney, we all know who the Wrath are." John stood up from the dead Lt Kenny and walked out of the jumper. "Kenny had this clutched in his arms." He handed Rodney the box, and he couldn't help noticed how cute a sleep rumpled Rodney looked. Of course, John being the military COMMANDER of Atlantis didn't like Rodney THAT WAY, Rodney was just a good friend. A cute looking grumpy good friend, but nothing more, I swear! Besides, all the woman on Atlantis, and all the other planets he had been to found him to be really handsome! Even on that Lesbian planet they went to, so he's not gay! Rodney's just a very good friend!

"Huh, this is a box of Coco Pops." Rodney examined the box.

"He was covered in it too."

"Who?"

"Kenny!"

"Oh Right!"

All this time, Elizabeth was still sobbing uncontrolably. "He was just having a mid-night snack! And they killed him!"

Both John and Rodney rolled their eyes at Elizabeth's wail. They have a killer loose on Atlantis and they have to find him/her/it before him/her/it strikes again!

"Hey laddies, what do we have here?" The really attractive Scottish accent belonged to Dr Cason Backet, their resident Doctor, who came strolling in to check out what all the fuss was about. "OMG! Did they kill Kenny! Those bastards!"

"Doc, we were wandering if you can tell us how Kenny died," John asked, admiring Casron's perfectly well formed behind as the doc knelled down beside their downed man. He wasn't gay! Seriously! Carson just have a really nice bum!

"Well, with the blood from his ears, I'm thinking it has to be from listening to "Bring Me To Life" on high volume."

"Ha! I knew it! It's the Wrath! This is SO them to be killing people like that!" Rodney did a victory jump, spilling the coco pops from the box onto the ground, some of them even landed in John's hair.

"Jesus, Rodney! Be careful with those stuff!" John brushed the cereal from his hair and went back looking at Carson. "So you sure it was the Wrath?"

"I can't be sure, since I heard Kavanagh's pretty fond of Evanescence, too –"

"Kavanagh did this? I knew we couldn't trust that slimy bastard!" Rodney exclaimed once more, spilling more cereal onto the colonel.

All of them were so focused on who killed Kenny that none of them noticed the coco pops were starting to glow.

"But what motive would Kavanagh have to kill Kenny?" The colonel asked. "I think Kenny's the only one who liked him."

At this point, they were interrupted by a wail, not from Elizabeth, but a manly wail coming from the entrance.

"OMG! Kenny! My love!! My life! Who killed you!" Kavanagh wailed and rushed to his dead lover's side. Tears glistering in the light. "I swear I will find your killer and make them pay!"

"Okay, that puts him out of the list of suspects," Rodney muttered.

There was a faint crackle, then snap, and then a pop, which made everyone jumped in shocked. Even Elizabeth stopped crying.

"OMG! Look! The coco pops!" She pointed at the spilled cereal that were now glowing.

"John," The glowing bits began to rise from the floor and from the box in Rodney's hand, which made Rodney dropped the box and spilled the rest of the cereal, "you know I'm more than just coco pops. I can make all the crackle, snap, and pop feel sooo goood for you."

"YOU KILLED KENNY!" Kavanagh screamed and charged at the glowing bits of coco pops, only to smash head first into a wall and pass out.

"It's for your own good John, Kenny was going to get between us! When he came down for a late night snack, I knew I had to take him out!" The glowly coco pops crackled. "For the sake of our relationship, I had to kill him!"

Then the glowy mass of cereal turned to face Rodney. "You!" It popped. "I know you have unpure thought about John as well, for that, you also must die!"

It advanced on Rodney, who gave out a manly squeaked and started to run, but it was not fast enough. The Ancient Cereal Killer caught up with him and was about to make Rodney suffer horribly and die when John shouted a "NO!" and made it stop.

"What?" The Ancient Cereal Killer snapped.

"Look, I don't want you to kill Rodney." Jon explained.

"Why?"

"Because... because I like him, and I don't want him to die."

"You LIKE him like him?" It crackled.

"Um... yes, I like him like him," John replied. "I know you like me, but I can't."

"Oh John!" The Ancient Cereal look forlongly at the pilot and sigh. "Very well, if that is what you want. I will respect your wishes. And I will now return to the Great Beyond Where I am From, and mourn for our lost love." The glow began to fade.

"Um... yeah, you can do that." John noded.

"But wait!" The room started to glow again.

"Oh no!" They all cryed.

"Before I live, I need you to proff that you really love Rodney. Kiss him! With tongue! And I shall live you alone!"

TBC!  
John is not GAY! So will he kiss Rodney to safe his life?! Or will the team find another way to get ridd of the Ancient Cereal Killer?! Or does John REALLY like Rodney THAT WAY? Find out in Chappie 2 which I have already written but I'm not going to post until I git 30 reviews becuse I worked really hard on this and deserve the feedback Thankies!


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